Blue Christmas

I feel really bad.
It's suppose to be Christmas - the season of peace, giving and love.
Pero hindi ko nararamdaman yun.

Instead of peace, I feel the bitterness.
I feel confused, lost and sorry.
Worst, I cannot feel love.

Numb.Indifferent.

Just when you thought things could be possible.
Just when you thought you could be happy.
Just when you thought you can find love.

Reality pulls you back!
It slaps you hard in the face, kicks you in the stomach.
And just when you think it couldn't get much worst, it rains like hell on you.

I don't know if what I did was wrong.
To still contunue to forgive and tolerate.
I just don't want HIM to feel alone, pity himself, and be angry with life.
But he breaks my heart over and over again...

I'm torn between walking the same path he took or try to pull him back to the right one. =(

Sometimes out of anger, I feel like giving up..
Leave HIM. Live my life the way I want it to be.
But I can't. He won't crack that easy.

I only want him to realize...
... I could never be happy, whenever I see him destroy his life.
... I could never move on with my own life.
... I could never learn to love someone.

I'm too afraid now.
More than ever.

Just because...

+++++++++++
I don't want to hold any grudge in my heart.
Please help me pray. =(