In pain

I'm not suppose to blog for a month. I'm trying not to express my feelings right now. I'm trying to keep them to myself. Focusing on work and worrying about schedules and migrations.

After what I said to J last friday, I decided not to think about work.
Erase the stress even for one weekend. I deserve this.

I wanted to be with my family and enjoy their company. I felt blessed because last year same date, there were major family problems...

I know that the feelings and anguish have somehow subsided. But the hurt is still here.

Charlie came back.

I feel pathetic today. Nagagalit din ako, dahil wala akong magawa.
Namamanhid na din kasi ako. And I know it'll be a waste of effort to force anyone to change. Pero ang nakakatawang isipin, umaasa pa din akong magbabago siya.

Nahihirapan akong isipin kung ano ang mas nakakasakit initindihin. Ang trabaho o ang totoong mundo..
Isa lang alam ko, hindi hindi ko papayagang magyari sa akin ang ganito.
I'm building a wall over my heart. I'm freezing love inside.
Hindi ko alam kung gang kelan...